


What a Feeling

by vogue91



Category: Amuse
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 11:29:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14056032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: It wasn’t enough to make him forget all the time spent nurturing what in the beginning had been just a dream, all the time spent then convincing Kento that he could be a part of his life.





	What a Feeling

_[First when there’s nothing_

_but a slow glowing dream.]_

_(What a Feeling, Irene Cara)_

Takuya abandoned himself against the mattress, breathing frantically.

Kento, next to him, didn’t seem to mind him much.

He should’ve grown accustomed to it by now, but he couldn’t help but feeling hurt each time for that complete lack of interest.

The younger one had made things clear since the beginning, and there was no reason now that Takuya could appeal to, to have the right of telling him that he wasn’t okay anymore with how things went down between them, that he was tired of the whole situation, that he wasn’t happy and had never been.

He loved him in a twisted way, of course, and he kept loving him nonetheless.

And he told him, too, and perhaps he would’ve been much happier if only he could’ve stopped doing that; Kento smiled every time, then shook his head and held him against himself, caressing him, arousing him one more time, then he took him again, distracting him from the fact that he couldn’t give him an answer.

But Takuya knew, and too well, that he was never going to, yet this awareness wasn’t enough to take him away from that house and that bed, and from the pain he felt each time.

It wasn’t enough to make him forget all the time spent nurturing what in the beginning had been just a dream, all the time spent then convincing Kento that he could be a part of his life.

He wasn’t going to give up on it so easily, little mattered how much Kento managed to hurt him.

He turned to face him, forcing a smile on his face, then he got closer and rested his face against his chest.

“Can I sleep here?” he asked, an eyebrow raised, stealing from his lips the cigarette the other man had just lit up.

Not that he particularly felt like smoking, more having any kind of attention from him.

Kento snorted, without commenting, reaching for another one on the nightstand.

“Whatever. But tomorrow morning I have to get up early.” he said.

Takuya smile anyway for that small concession, not bothered by the tone he had used.

But he was tired. Tired like never before, tired to wait for that marvellous surrender that was never going to come from Kento, tired of pretending he was alright with it.

He sighed and turned his back on him, tightening the pillow under his head and closing his eyes.

“It’s never too late, you know?” he murmured, biting his lower lip hard.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s never too late to change your mind. You know... about me. About us, about how things are going.”

He heard Kento chuckling, and he didn’t like the sound of that laughter at all.

“Change what? Come on, Takkun, doesn’t it work just fine this way? Without ties and without problems, we meet whenever we want, we do whatever we want and it’s okay for the both of us. Why should we complicate our lives?”

Rarely Takuya remembered to have felt such a disgust for Kento.

He knew, he knew how he felt for him, and yet he kept pretending that it was okay for them both.

Kento, he concluded, didn’t care at all about him. And the sooner he would’ve surrendered to this reality, the sooner he was going to stop suffering.

Perhaps, he told himself, one day he could even find the courage to leave.

“You’re right.” he murmured, unwillingly. “I don’t see why it shouldn’t be okay this way. There’s nothing between us, after all, is there? I’m nothing to you and you’re nothing to me.” he said, bitter.

He looked at him again, seeing a veil of sadness on his face, but he wasn’t about to get all concerned about it.

If Kento wished to have him as a friend, he shouldn’t have started sleeping with him. If he wanted something more...

But he didn’t, he didn’t, and Takuya was forced to keep repeating that uncomfortable truth second after second, afraid he could forget it and let himself being dragged into something that didn’t exist.

He didn’t care, right now, to have hurt whatever was the idea Kento had about the two of them. It wasn’t a sentiment important enough for him, and neither it was for Takuya, not until it would’ve become something better.

“Goodnight, Kento.” he murmured, and again he didn’t receive an answer.

He would’ve forced himself so that he wouldn’t cry, he would’ve tried to hold on for another night, then another one and another one.

He wasn’t going to wait anymore for Kento to change his mind about them.

He was going to be the one to change, and soon.

He would’ve changed and then, finally, he would’ve found the strength to leave that bed forever.


End file.
